May 2012
4 posts
April 2012
11 posts
Brotel California: April Shit Showers Bring May...
By Broncosaurus
Remember when I was so psyched about March? Well that has obviously come and gone and if you follow my ravings on ‘Summer of One Thousand Bullshit’ then you might have noticed in my last post that things since the Final Four have been glamorless and squalor-y in the motel in which I find myself residing. The news isn’t all bad though! All this April bullshit has...
It's So Different Here: The Foreign Situation
By Ryceps
The ex-patriot community in Istanbul is peculiar for its cheerful
desperation, as if we all elected to live on this large piece of driftwood, clutching for the center, grinning as our legs dangle underwater, playing footsie with one another all the while. Most forays into living abroad in Turkey start very similar to mine: a mid-to-late twenties teacher, often with very minimal...
Brotel California: Hey Here's an Idea
By Broncosaurus
It’s not an excellent idea, but I think it’s okay. It’s for a game show called ‘Bestie or Beastie?’ where you have to guess if the thing in front of you is your best friend or some kind of, like, fucking monster or something that ate up your best friend and is wearing his or her skin as a disguise. If it’s a beastie, and you guess bestie, then you get carted off by the ghoul to...
Why Step Up 2: the Streets is better than...
By Zizzly Bear
Yes it’s that time of the lunisolar year again when we set out on lining our refrigerators with aluminum foil and purging our pantries of all the sinful carbohydrates and grains like pasta and cereal (which we weren’t even eating anyway). It’s early Spring, and while all of our friends are incessantly chatting away about the mournful demise of Christ and how many Cadbury eggs they...
March 2012
15 posts
“Skrimage time”
– Anonymous 13 year old boy’s facebook status
Brotel California: Simple Pleasures
By Broncosaurus
To counterbalance the crazy boatloads of griping I’ve been shortening my life with lately, I thought I’d reflect this week on some of the tiny simple wonderful things that bring me so much joy.
1. Peeling shit off of other shit. Peeling is the greatest. Labels, stickers, bananas, whatever, don’t matter; if something’s stuck to something else, I’m...
Notes from The Ivester: Let's Talk Tebow (I hate...
By The Ivester
Over the course of the past few evenings I’ve had a lot of very weird dreams. The other night I had dreamt that I started a fight club for all the kids I didn’t like in high school and watched them duke it out. I had this one dream where I flew a private jet into a four story pre-war apartment building and it rained a pink lemonade esq liquid. I was fine. Last...
Brotel California: Things Are Getting Out of...
By Broncosaurus
You might be wondering how I’m going to work naked twi’leks into this, and the truth is that I’m not. If you’re reading this because you Googled ‘naked twi’lek’ then you, sir or ma’am, fell for my ruse! If you’re wondering what a twi’lek is, you’re probably just as well off not knowing, but I’m going to tell...
Grate Expectations: Social Networking
By DeafandTexas
Welcome back, dear reader, to Grate Expectations. I know you’re all wondering where I went, and I can’t lie to you…but government regulations prohibit me from disclosing details of my absence. Suffice it to say Joseph Kabila can rest easy now. Like Aaron Sorkin at the start of the second season of The West Wing, I’m going to kick off my return with a two-parter. So enjoy...
Notes from The Ivester: Fuck Garrett McIndoe
By The Ivester
I can only assume that the title of this entry raises two questions. Who is this Garrett McIndoe? And, what’s your beef with Garrett McIndoe? Before I can answer these questions, I have to go back to the beginning… Back to… 2006.
Yes, 2006 was a tumultuous chapter in our nation’s history. Artists like Justin Timberlake were getting on the airwaves...
Brotel California: The Times They Are...
By Broncosaurus
In person, I’m not really a griper. Based on the amount of gripe I spit on the internet, one may find this hard to believe, but it’s true. Me < most people, vis-à-vis propensity for griping. Why am I making this distinction? Because I’m about to gripe like the world is ending and Zeus just announced that only gripers are going to get into Valhalla...
You usually won't find something like this here... →
“Homework?!$$$$”
– Anonymous 13 year old boys Facebook status
I just took up your entire afternoon... →
Brotel California: At the Mountain of [March]...
By Broncosaurus
March effing rules. Things are awesome, and looking to get awesomer in the days to come. Do you not believe me? Check out this dope calendar, then!
1. 3/11 - Selection Sunday.
I LOVE SPECULATING. As a result of this passion, making my bracket every year is among my absolute favorite pastimes. I develop unexpected loyalties to teams for no reason, and love it. Last year I...
February 2012
22 posts
Brotel California: My Unpopular Opinions
By Broncosaurus
If you don’t say ‘pfft! What?!’ to any of these things, maybe call me and we’ll hang out.
If however, you, reader, are anything like just about every person that I know, then you will probably drop a ‘pfft! What?!’at some point while reading this. Because this is a disgusting confession of my most crotchety feelings.
1. Paul is the Worst...
Why Step Up 2: The Streets is better than......
By Zizzly Bear
When your family lives in New Jersey and you don’t own a car you have to take the NJ Transit to visit them. The Zizzly sleuth lives in a small commuter town near Princeton University and from Penn Station it takes about 45 minutes to an hour-fifteen to get there depending on whether or not I catch the express. I’ve ridden boats, planes, cars, horses, elephants and my Golden...
It's So Different Here: Knives, Everywhere
By Ryceps
Knives have played a surprisingly large role in my life. I can think of several important milestones punctuated (no pun) with the presence of blades. For instance, once I was finally the age of purchasing Christmas gifts for my parents, my first present for my chef of a mother was a German-made Henckel paring knife- handy for finesse work with fruit and fish. My morning of the last...
Brotel California: Such a Useful Guidebook: Sports...
By Broncosaurus
Obviously, there was a great deal that I failed to cover in my previous installment of this fucking excellent travel guide, so I thought I’d pick her up again and offer you plenty more awesome tiiiiips! Mostly about sports.
1. Fenway Park
You might think I’m being cliche with this one, but I straight up could not even care less, because Fenway is an incredible...
WatchI guess Funny Or Die started reading my letters…
“Building fire as listening to my studios”
– Anonymous 13 year old boys Facebook status
Why Step Up 2 The Streets is Better Than... 2008
By Zizzly Bear
Happy Valentine’s Day, ladies and germophobes. Some people don’t like VDay and that’s understandable. We shouldn’t make them feel they are any less special than we are. Some people like hearing it, but to be honest it wasn’t for you either. I’m saying it out loud as the sentiment I hold in my heart for my girlfriend, L-Boogie. Also for my mom who always left me a small...
Grate Expectations: The Future is Imminent
By DeafandTexas
The present we live in is not the future that was imagined for us 100 years ago. But are we worse off for that? If you made a list of predictions of the future from the last century, we’ve got a lot of the good stuff: better medicine, handheld devices that can tell us just about anything we want to know, we’re closer to a global understanding of humanity. And let’s not forget...
LinkedIn: An expose
By The Weekend Guy
There’s always been something about LinkedIn that creeped me out. Maybe because it’s been gathering strength over the last five years in a much quieter fashion than Twitter or Facebook has, maybe because I know absolutely nothing about it and like all cavemen I fear the unknown, but in any case, there I feared to tread. That said, I have been impressed for years with the...
It's So Different Here: No Duckboats on the...
By Ryceps
A lot of people might not guess this, but the second most popular sport in Turkey is basketball. Because of this, I find a minute smattering of Celtics scarves and hats scattered around the city of Istanbul, and when I see one on the metro, I go out of my way to make sure that this person has some idea of who they are supporting. Thus far, in my God-awful Turkish, I get a few words out...
Brotel California: Such a Useful Guidebook!
By Broncosaurus
One thing that I’m pretty sure everybody probably is into is my unsolicited advice on domestic travel. So here is some!
These are, for my money, the best places there are to go in this country (missing from this list? Anything located in the dozen or so states to which I have not been. Also missing is anything in Kansas because that state is the worst).
1. Bramwell,...
I'm Not Here to make friends: Thomas Jefferson...
By Handsome Sam
Recently I was sent an article about how over the last thirty years the US constitution has stopped being the predominant model for other countries when drafting their own constitution.
Link here: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/07/us/we-the-people-loses-appeal-with-people-around-the-world.html?_r=1&src=tp&smid=fb-share
It’s a good article and I think it makes...
5 tags
Ink Master, eh?
By The Weekend Guy
So, from the executive producers of NY Ink, and Miami Ink, and Dog the Bounty Hunter, we have the latest entry in a seemingly endless parade of reality-show competitions where each week, some diminishing number of personality disorders squawk loudly at each other for forty minutes over a score that would make John Williams blush, and at the end one of them is forced to...
Brotel California: My Ever-Growing Grown Up To-Do...
By Broncosaurus
I’ve done my ‘best’ to cram a whole lot of adulting into the three years that have passed since graduating from college. I’m always doing grown up shit like registering vehicles and cleaning my rice cooker, and yet it doesn’t seem to be doing anything in terms of transforming me from an irresponsible duckling into a beautiful salaried swan. For...
Why Step Up 2 The Streets is better than......
By Zizzly Bear
SPOILER ALERT: If you are still behind on Downton like most everyone else is, or if you’re one of those “people” who haven’t yet started watching there may be in this post facts and statements that could herein dampen your Downton viewing experience. Friends don’t let friends miss the next big thing.
When you think about the question of cultural superiority as hard as I have,...
“truth is your realllyyy cute and i txt you sometimes…uhh you went out with...”
– Random 15 year old girl’s Facebook status